Found

Just found an old blogger app that hopefully will still let me post. Don't think they even have the app anymore. 

Depression

I'm having a really hard time dealign with this whole job thing. i know i shouldnt be like this but my brain wont let me.

Though i did win a Sword Art Online figure today on e-bay for $5, guess that's good.

New Job

I think I need to try to do posts throughout the day, haven't been keeping up too well.

Had a internal job interview yesterday all went well, they were impressed by my past work and everything.

found out this morning i didn't get the job because I didn't sell myself well enough. unfortunitly I don't know how to do that. guess its to do with my low self esteem, not use to upping myself, and haven't had an interview in over 12 years.

I'm depressed and disappointed with myself.

Next time, next time..

Sunday

was able to sleep in later than usual, yay. haha
daughter spent the night at a friends house, 1st time! it went really well.
wife went to sell cookies again around 12, last time she said. well see.
put the babes to bed around 12:30 - 1
Mother-in-law came over around 2:30 to help watch the kiddos.
I left the house around 3:30 to do some crazy running around.

• Kroger - pick up groceries
• Big Lots - cereal and coffee
• Dollar Store - Tooth brushes for twins
• Michael's - Iron on letters for jacket i got for the babes. going to make teem Cookie and team Elmo.
• Best Buy - Apple TV
• Lowe's - return things and get Tub drain plug and shelving pins

Tried to put shelf pins in, too big. didn't pay attention to the pin hole size, oops.  
put in drain plug in the tub, 90% done, just cant get the right height for the plug.
Installed Apple TV, works great! were all very excited about it.
went to bed at almost 12. haha

Saturday

Wife and daughter went out to sell girl-scout cookies early in the morning until, 6ish.
Had my parents come over to help watch them.
Didn't do a whole lot but talk to my parents, while my dad played games on my iPad. HAH

2nd part of the day

It's almost the end of the work day. this is all i got.

• Had Kroger Sushi for lunch, it's the cheap persons sushi. hah
• did maybe 2 tasks, slow day.
• went on a walk at 2:30 break, so nice out.
• thought about more changes to the blog.
• that's pretty much all i got for after lunch.
• Boring Slow day at work over all.
• cant wait until 5 and get to go home

New Header

Well, I've now updated the header and some of the text and layout of the page. May still make some more changes, haven't decided yet.

1st half of my day

OK, I'm going to try to make the things i do for the day with a bit less info.

• Got up a bit early
• Showered 
• Helped get the twins ready for the day.
• Dropped off our oldest to her tutoring, on time.
• Got to work a bit early.
• Talked a bit to my friends at 1st break.
• Got 3 Tasks done before lunch.
• Going out for lunch, no clue where to go or what to get, wish me luck.

Oops

completely forgot to do my days end What im thankful for. I'll do my best to remember tonight.

Schedual of Today

(Doc asked me to track things i do in a day, so i don't feel like i didn't get anything done. this is the 1st entry.)

6:40 something. i got up early to take the trash to the curb, normal up time.. around 7.

6:50 or around there. Got bare minimum clothes on to take the trash out, Shoes and coat plus the jams i already had on.
   We never know when the garbage trucks will come around, they like to mix it up sometimes. I've missed them before and was able to take the can to the neighbor across the street.

7ish, got my cloths for the day and headed into the shower.

Around 7:15 i walked out of the bathroom.. what? wife already getting the kids ready for the day? Saw my son all dressed at the top of the stairs. That's early, normally its around a quarter after that i go help get the twins dressed.

They all came down much earlier than normal, i was a bit surprised.

I scrounged up something for lunch, turns out we don't have much food or leftovers. So Peanut Butter and Jelly on a hamburger bun. Bun? you say.. were out of bread, I said we didn't have much food. lol

Wife left to drop off the twins at the sitters earlier than normal, later she texted me and said the actually made it to work on time. haha

about 5 til 8 i took our oldest over across the street to a neighbors/friends. they help us out part of the week to get her to school on time. School starts at 9, wife leaves about 7:45-7:55, i normally leave around or after 8.

left just as the clock in the car turned 8, so far so good on time.

8:15 or so got parked at worked and had time to chill a bit

went in a side door to the building, it's close to the department i work in.
clocked in on my computer.. 8:25. still a tad early for me, but hay who complains about and extra 5 min pay.

at 10:30 we have out first break, just talked to a couple friends in the hall until 10:40.. ish.

11:45 3 tasks done so far today, waiting for 12 to go to lunch. guess i'll work a bit on the blog header.

12:00 Lunchtime!

12:32 back form the great PB&J world. luckily someone brought some pizza in to share, so i had a slice. better than only having a small sandwich, tiny bit of Fritos and pudding.

12:40.. or around there. told my super that i forgot my time card on my desk so i wasn't able to punch out for lunch, but used my computer to clock in. Said he fixed it, but then said i miss punches a few times a week.. LIAR! hes such a Putz. I'd do almost anything to get outa here to a new department, hell may be just a completely different place.

2:30 BREAK TIME!  Actually went outside for a little stroll with a couple work friends. Man our minds have such twisted humor.

3:20 Took some time here and there between tasks and working to come up with an overview explanation of my blog.  Meanings

5:00 Going Home!

after i got home i really didnt try to update this, got way too busy. But i'll do my best to recall stuff.

I helped a bit to make dinner, spaghetti, and feed the twins.

Gave the twins a bath and helped get their jams on.

we sat and watched a bit of Elmo, then we watched Furchesters on Netflix.

then for the night we all put the kids to bed.

Wathed a bit of a show on Netflix and went to bed,

Day End

Meaning

Some may wonder.. Trials, Fires, and Tribulations for a blog name, why? Here's the explanation.

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Trial by fire

A test of one's abilities to perform well under pressure, as in Finishing this huge list of chores in time for the wedding is really a trial by fire. This expression alludes to the medieval practice of determining a person's guilt by having them undergo an ordeal, such as walking barefoot through a fire.

or also known as..

Trial by ordeal
by which the guilt or innocence of the accused is determined by subjecting them to a painful task

---

Trials and Tribulations

Tests of one's patience or endurance, as in She went through all the trials and tribulations of being admitted to law school only to find she couldn't afford to go. This redundant expression—trial and tribulation here both mean the same thing—is also used semi-humorously, as in Do you really want to hear about the trials and tribulations of my day at the office?

Cliché problems and tests of one's courage or perseverance. 

Question: "Why does God allow us to go through trials and tribulations?"
Answer: One of the most difficult parts of the Christian life is the fact that becoming a disciple of Christ does not make us immune to life’s trials and tribulations. Why would a good and loving God allow us to go through such things as the death of a child, disease and injury to ourselves and our loved ones, financial hardships, worry and fear? Surely, if He loved us, He would take all these things away from us. After all, doesn’t loving us mean He wants our lives to be easy and comfortable?  

---

Trial

1.

   a. The act or process of testing, trying, or putting to the proof: a trial of one's faith.

   b. An instance of such testing, especially as part of a series of tests or experiments: a clinical trial of a drug.

2. An effort or attempt: succeeded on the third trial.

3. A state of pain or anguish that tests patience, endurance, or belief: "the fiery trial through which we pass" (Abraham Lincoln).

4. A trying, troublesome, or annoying person or thing: The child was a trial to his parents.

5. A preliminary competition or test to determine qualifications, as in a sport.

6. Made or done in the course of a trial or test.

---

Tribulation

1. grievous trouble; severe trial or suffering.

2. an instance of this; an affliction, trouble, etc. 

---

Fire

1. a severe trial

2. Burning intensity of feeling; ardor or enthusiasm

3.

    a. To arouse the emotions of; make enthusiastic or ardent.  

             Often used with up: demonstrators who were fired up by their sense of injustice.

    b. To inspire or arouse (an emotion or the imagination).

4. between two fires

     Being attacked from two sources or sides simultaneously.

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Hence combining the 3 words would mean.

Observing and testing ones; Emotions, Pressures, Troubles, Patience, Faith, and Endurance. 

Outcome of  these ordeals will show; the determination, courage, emotions, and at times painful - both mentally and physically. How these things and are handled and dealt with may help many with the issues of others along with resolving my own issues and demons that may lie within.

---

I can now say this openly to everyone. I suffer from PTSD, Bi-Polar disorder, ADHD and the beginnings of personality disorder. All of these create great challenges to Me, My Wife, My kids, and much of my family. Hopefully this will be the beginning of help for us all.

 

 

 

Header

I'm currently working on a new updated header, hopefully it will be done sometime today if not tomorrow. I'm also looking into changing the font size of the date posted for posts, just seems a bit to small.

Changes and Construction

I'll be doing changes to this blog. Things like the layout and images, so please excuse and construction and changes you may see appear and disappear. I'm going to try to make this blog live again and keep track of things to help my day to day issues and thoughts i may have. Do my best to keep them upbeat as i can.

Thanks

Day one;

So im supposed to do this thankful for 5 things a day thing. Well I haven't, guess ins hours make some sort of effort right?

-kids, mine

-friends 

-cereal

-milk

-art

Now to do this for 7 days and not repeat, holy hell. 

BS Rant of Idiots

Why, why does it seem lately that I've come upon and dealt with an astronomical amount of nonsense Impatience?? From Doctors offices being rude when trying make an appointment, not taking my name and hanging up on me while the conversation wasn't done. To the same office sending prescriptions to a completely wrong store, and I'm not talking about a wrong location, a completely wrong store. Never knew it was so hard to send a script to Walgreen and end-up sending it to Kroger instead.. what!?!?

I have, or had, an associate account setup with Amazon to make a tad bit of extra money. Well went into my account today to see this;

  Account Closed 

This account is closed and will not generate referrals. Access to this site is for historical purposes only. 

To continue your participation in the Amazon Associates program, you are required to declare if any of your sites are directed primarily at children under 13 . Go to Edit your website list page to provide this declaration.

I try to re-establish and fix the issue. they want websites i have and own, I don't have any. I've been just sending/making adds to appear on Facebook and Twitter. so how was I supposed to declare this? Wasn't even any type of from that was available to accept or agree to, like most places do. How do i know that you ask? I did an online chat with a customer service person. Apparently sense i missed the "deadline" which was when I was out of commission and in the psych ward of a local hospital. Of course they said 'oh sorry to hear that, but once it's closed it can't be re-opened' WHAT!? your joking right?? 'you will just have to go through the approval process again and make a new account.' So any sales I did have will be sent to me in a amazon gift card, supposedly, any sales that I've earned to get to the next step of earning greater percentages, gone. 

Sometimes I wonder about our society in this world or think, is this just a dream im having or even someone else's dream and I'm in it, or am I in hell and I'm getting put through this reality as a punishment for what I did when I was alive.

Morning

Wife called me on my cell this morning while i was setting at my desk, didn't answer it. She ended up texting me and telling me that our Daughter's backpack and lunch was in my car. Ooops, guess that happens at a last minute decision of who's taking her to school. Had to leave work and take her stuff to her. LOL But hay, i was able to stop and get a tad bit of breakfast.

Apt Follow-up

Well after my apt i called my wife and told here how things went. I completely broke and for 15 min went off into a rage and it quickly turned to me crying like someone had killed my dog. So easily predictable that i didn't go back to work for the rest of the day. As one could also guess it wasn't the best day after that.

Apt Results

Not to sure on my feelings if the new place. I've got mixed feelings of it weather they really took the time to figure things out. In my opinion using a computer to figure out the "diagnosis" instead of what a persons medical background should tell you. I can set there and ask questions from a computer to diagnose people too. At the moment I have high anxiety about this, along with feeling like Ive gotten no where from where I was before. 

New Place

Well I'm setting in the waiting room of a new practice for me the first time. As anyone can guess I'm just a tad nervous. 

Morning Entertainment

Mornings always begin better with a good dose of Dave and Chuck The Freak.